About a month ago, someone told me that if I didn’t look the way that I do he wouldn’t have bothered to get to know me. That surprised me since I think he’s one of the least judgmental people I know. He then went on to say that if I were ugly, I wouldn’t be me because I wouldn’t have had the experiences that I’ve been privy to. I admire his honesty, but I wondered if I should be insulted.
This idea has been bothering me since.
Knowing that my long locks are something that men generally find attractive, I decided to get rid of them. I loved my long strands as well and had only recently learned how to curl them into buoyant tresses, but sometimes a change is in order. Sometimes, you just need to know that the people you attract are attracted to you and not what you look like.
I chopped off my hair this morning.
Afterwards, I hopped on the train to Manhattan and felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It had, literally. My hair was uneven and ragged, but I felt a lot better. I think people around me could tell. I caught a guy trying to subtly take photos of me on the subway. I don’t know if it was because I looked happy or because I looked terrible. The clicks from his shutter betrayed him but I saved us the embarrassment by pretending not to notice.
I wonder what he saw through his lens.